Viewers of the movie A Christmas Story (1983) can’t possibly forget the leg lamp—an icon of tackiness from its high-heeled foot up its fishnetted gam to its lampshade skirt. The father in the film is hilariously enraptured by it, “overcome by [the] art” of this “major prize” he’s won from a newspaper crossword contest. He stands it in the window for all the neighbors to see, mortifying his wife and driving her to lumicide.
If you too want to enrage, or more likely amuse, someone on your Christmas list this year, here are some nearby-ish home decor gifts guaranteed to make them gag:
Head of Shower
A literal shower head fashioned after the noggin of ex-head of state Richard “Tricky Dick” Nixon apparently isn’t so tricky: “Works great. Good spray,” its North Haven seller promises. The design is quite icky, however, with proportions so garish even an op-ed cartoonist circa 1972 would blush.
Big Dog
Somehow a six-foot rolling hot dog with a nice squirt of mustard hasn’t been gobbled up yet. Images suggest this dog is being retired from its job attracting customers to a Long Island deli; just imagine what it could accomplish in your best friend’s driveway on Christmas morning.
60 Minutes or Less
Who wouldn’t want a ceramic pizza wall clock with a greasy-looking glaze and numbers that look like tahini squeeze-bottled onto pepperoni slices? One hitch: Like the hot dog, this pizza is being served in Long Island. Maybe they deliver?
Shelf Life
A large cabinet in the form of a cartoonish medieval monk features—and requires—a strong stomach. To use it, all its recipient will have to do is open the monk’s frock.
Undigested Stools
Apologies for the header, but in an article about tastelessness, I couldn’t resist. The third food-related item in this list actually contains three items itself: a trio of Connecticut sitting stools made to look, respectively, like French fries, macarons and chocolate chip cookies. That last one, for me, is even less appealing than the others—and wouldn’t you know it? It’s located right here in New Haven.
Here’s hoping its recipient doesn’t gag on a real cookie the moment they realize it’s theirs.
Written by Dan Mims. Image features a still from A Christmas Story, with the leg lamp in the window.
